On Stranger Tides Walks The Plank

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So, Pirates of the Caribbean is back once more and this sequel that nobody asked for its already receiving a range of critical receptions. We all saw the signs, but we didn’t really care so much. The earliest indicator of quality in decline was surely that not even Kiera Knightley nor Orlando Bloom were to be attached to the project. And yes, now the critics want to keelhaul this latest effort. Rotten tomatoes, the most popular film review aggregation, bares witness to the critical failure: rated a pathetic 43% at the time of writing. Even among ‘fresh’ reviews, praise is tempered. ‘Neither the best nor worst way to keep the POTC money flowing’. ‘Good for a Pirates film’. Yet nothing can stop the film being the summer blockbuster it was always intended to be.

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But it’s not like the series comes from a long line of previous successes. Even among fans of the franchise, there’s a tacit acknowledgement that the sequels weren’t great. But don’t worry, the third bad movie is bound to be another tiresome and highly successful sequel. Why let it come to that? It’s a simple case of the Pirates franchise filling a niche. One thing I’ve always found odd is the sheer lack of imitators. Where are the hundreds of poorly made, pirate films taking us on all inclusive holidays to caribbean. Star Wars begat countless space-based science fiction movies. More recently, we’ve seen a decade of fantasy movies heralded by the Lord of the Rings trilogy. One wonders why there haven’t been ‘Reign of Fire’ style opportunistic (terrible) cash-ins? Partly it was due to people assuming the ‘pirate’ film was long since dead. But that doesn’t excuse the half a decade. Perhaps it’s prohibitively expensive to fly out on St Lucia holidays to film more than one pirate film a year. Still, the absence of such imitators is rather unlike the Hollywood we know and begrudgingly love.

That Critics are less than enamoured with the Pirates franchise has never been a conundrum. Critics always have to choke back the tears when they’re forced into liking summer blockbusters. And among summer blockbusters, Pirates’ appeal was never especially obvious to critics since even the widely applauded original. Personally, I’ll be there with the public. Rejoicing in a cinematic holidays in barbados with my nefarious chums. Arrrh Maties!

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